If you say you're not going to care,

then don't. 

A few days ago, I found myself in Santa Cruz again...

And there I was in my sister's beautiful, cozy apartment...

 Getting my tarot cards read...

We spent our days walking around, soaking in the rain and the fall...

 

And each other. I hadn't seen my sister in so long... 

We saw a brilliant, incredible film, then left us talking about it for hours after...

And drank bowls of souls

And I became obsessed with this enchanting street...

Santa Cruz, you are as wonderful as ever. You are redwoods and ocean and victorian homes and good music/people/food... 

a beautiful, eccentric oasis. 

Until we meet again...

My Mom

Today my beautiful, kind, ever- radiant mom turned 55. I can't believe it.

The day's birthday festivities were as great as I hoped they'd be- I left a card and a corny balloon for my mom to find at the breakfast table this morning... Rushed home early from work to get ready to go out to dinner with her... Gave my mom my gift of a dress and necklace... Ate Japanese food with my family... Watched my mom get showered with thoughtful gifts from all of us... Finished the day with ice cream and the Mindy Project on the couch with her. Perfect.

(This lady got these top-notch dancing shoes + salsa classes as gifts today)

I love this incredible woman. I am so, so very lucky to have such an endlessly loving, joyous, patient, graceful figure in my life. Sometimes I wonder how a person can be full of so much love and optimism... and think what I could have done to deserve her.
As I get older, I get more and more emotional when thinking about my mom. It's like, I'm finally fully realizing everything she does and all of who she is... she's extraordinary.
and I hate to recognize that she's getting older. Time keeps moving so fast.. I feel like before I know it,
she'll be gone. I can't bear the thought.
But, I know I'm being morbid.
My mom, at this wonderful time, is the opposite of gone. She dances and laughs and wears cuter clothes than me and tries every new food I want to try.
Yes, she's here. Yes, she's extraordinary.

Summer and Change

I'm reading back over my past blog posts, just from June, and honestly feeling very strange about how different my mind was at that time.
My life and outlook have changed so drastically over the course of a 3 months it's a little unsettling.
Isn't crazy how fluid we humans seem to be, we're always moving and changing and growing.
It's it a little hard to relate to what I wrote or said not even very long ago...
It makes sense though, so much has happened this past summer.

When the summer began I felt like I was almost floating...
I had just left San Francisco/ Santa Cruz behind- the place where I had spent the last 10 months of my freshman college life, and decided to come home.
I loved the north, but hated my school, so despite this huge sense of relief and happiness about leaving my college behind for good, I felt a great sense of remorse over parting with my beloved San Francisco. I'd never quit something that monumental before, and wasn't really sure how to deal with it. I felt like a lost loafer... so of course I threw myself into getting another job and looking for another school to attend.

Though I was busy, that's not to say I didn't find time to spend those wandering, aimless days with my friends and family...

The bike rides and minivan drives with my friends piled in the back..  The wine and pizza perfect night... my mom. 

When one of your best friends gets a pixi cut... the hike to the graffiti- ridden, abandoned nazi camp in the santa monica mountains...the beach, all the time..

A summer portrait..an incredible Greek festival where I admired everyone and everything... my first road trip to Santa Barbara... my historic return to Disneyland after five years...

Days spent drifting around Long Beach and gazing at skate parks... the time my family and I completely dominated a wedding dance floor... discovery of the beautiful art of henna...

More skate park gazing in Venice...amazing busker on the boardwalk.. my sister and I, always...

So many amazing free music concerts....

Such a fun, goofy, giddy 4th of july... the best one in years...

More free music at a festival in Santa Ana...

A mash of summer scenes... more beach... shameless love of Polly's Pies..

colorful prints at the swap meet... late night drives to our favorite diner... the frequent meal of teenagers... coffee for a bad hangover.. overgrown flowers...

Not pictured: moonlit skinny dipping in the sea, sneaking onto a gulf course and dancing in the sprinklers, throwing a rad sleepover complete with the cheetah girls and green tea kit kats, the craziest night/ the dangers of whiskey, countless swims in the bay with my sister... rediscovering my obsession with hot cheetos...my first not-so-great experience with a mosh pitting... bear hugging Alex Ebert... sitting on a pier with my legs dangling off the side... driving on pch with no destination.

My, summer... you have been so, so good to me. Truly the best of my life. Looking back at all these photos has helped me remember every little, wonderful moment... sometimes when I think of the past, I fixate on the bad, but this has helped me remember all the utter goodness..
This summer has let me run, and dance, and break the rules, and laugh, and not give a shit, and wander, and get lost, and discover a little more of what I want from life and who I want to be...
And honestly, that's all that I could ask for.
Yes, I've changed in these last three months, and though it's a bit scary to change so much, so fast.. I think it's all for the better.