I had a good night.
Where things felt easy and fun, 
And somehow familiar and new.

I felt like I flashed forward in my life,
to a time where I am this cooler, older version of myself,
in a city that I've lived in all my life.
And my friend works at the coffee shop I stumbled into for the first time when I was 16,
and reveled in with rose-colored, youthful amazement.
and I´m wearing a choker and chunky black sandals, 
and walking with an air of wisdom and careful curiosity. 
Like, I know what certain things are like now, 
and what certain things aren't, 
but am still trying despite it all.

This current me is far from perfect, 
she has weary eyes,
a body that´s been abused with smoke and scars.
a mind that´s reached depths she´d hoped it never would.

But I know the younger me is enchanted by her all the same.

Precisely because she is all these things, 
all these things she never dreamed or imagined she would be...

yet, have only made her greater and more alive. 

youth

I'm experiencing something quite novel lately... I am free of school and work for the first time in a year. Naturally, I have become even more of an aimless teenager. 

Who does ridiculous krispy kreme runs at midnight. 

And smokes pink cigarettes in her parent's minivan. 

and goes to a free show at 6 p.m. on a Thursday night. because she can.

and spends an exorbitant amount of time talking about how cute her puppy is... (that belly!?)

and goes to more free shows, in concrete clubs with smoke machines, for artists that she doesn't even know.  

and buys her first bed from Ikea. and LOVES Ikea.  

and goes to Disneyland... again.

and drinks way too much... even out of fucking ginger ale bottles. 

and drives to Downtown L.A. just to get a specialty milkshake. 

It's all so frivolous and silly and stupid... but I can't help it. It's everything right now.